carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
You smell like stripper and shame
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
