mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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