if i can run in heels then i can drive
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
