My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
