I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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