Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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