we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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