i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
