I wish I only lived at night.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
it glows. i had to have it.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize