she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize