my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
