Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize