Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
