i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
