I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
