my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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