Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
