they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
