I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
