just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize