When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
