I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
