Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
