Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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