absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
