i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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