pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Alive.
So much puke
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
