Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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