I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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