So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
