So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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