I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
