How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
honey bunches of taint.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
