I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize