In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
