It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
