it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
