You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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