So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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