you would pick up someone in the library
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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