I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
