Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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