32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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