so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I feel like abortions should bother me more
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
