We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
