Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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