I think my fart just growled at me.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I wish there were birth control emojis
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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