..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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