the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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