But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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