I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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