i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
love makes seman taste better
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
