Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize