Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
