i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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