please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
