All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
