oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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