Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize