Where is the hickey?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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