Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
