How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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