Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
porn star boner night. come get it.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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