She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
