I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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