I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just gargled with NyQuil
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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