Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
