so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
