A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
