i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize