non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
