just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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