I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
