I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
