You can't special order awesome
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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