There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
