Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize