I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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