I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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