But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
