Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
