True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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