You were right. It hurts to walk today.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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