he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
