I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
