I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
