chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It's rum buckets o'clock
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
