I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
please come you make the beer taste better
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
