I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
