I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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