jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
She announced her abortion via fbk
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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