At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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