Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
