i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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