Say something about gay babies.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
