Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
