I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
