Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
