Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
