I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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