At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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