It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
