I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
