Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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