So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Randomize
