What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
